Being Enough

Can you believe we are almost at the end of our journey already?

Before we finish, I want to talk about the fear of enough.

That inner critic probably whispers this type of fear more often than any other.  In fact, you may experience this particular fear so often that you don't notice it anymore.  You may fully accept the fear of enough and stop trying to overcome.

I want you to kick this fear to the curb.

The fear of enough sounds like this...

"Am I a good enough mother?"

"Am I skinny (or pretty, or tall, etc.) enough?"

"Am I a good enough wife?"

"Am I smart enough?"

Get the picture?

Here's the good news... you are enough.

But, you are not everything.  You were never asked to be everything.

Last year, Mandy was sick for a month.  Bronchitis, allergies- they would not let up on this kid.  She was home from school more than she attended.  She was tired, I was tired and we were both fed up.  I felt certain that if I were a good enough mother, I would find the appropriate help for her.

But no one person turned out to be enough. 

 We needed our doctor and her prescriptions, our chiropractor and some adjustments, a Dad & a Grandma to give mom time to see to other things, friends to call and distract her and a big sister to play and choose movies. 

And yes, Mandy needed me to be her mother.

She didn't need me to be her doctor, her chiropractor, her Dad, her Grandma, her friend or her sister.

I only needed to be the Mother.  Then I needed to step out of the way and let everyone else play their part.  I was enough of a mother.  I didn't have to be everything else.

You can be ENOUGH.  You don't have to be EVERYTHING.

8 Ways to Make a Kid's Day

So you might be wondering, "why the mini-challenges? How will they help me?".

Here's what I think... once a week I want you to spend time spreading a little sunshine, a little happiness to someone else.  I believe that we need to take a moment to step away from our own fears, our own insecurities and self- doubt and practice being the person who lifts other people up. 

JUST FOR FUN

Not because we have to, or because we feel some obligation but for the pure enjoyment 

of making another person smile.

This week I want you to make a kid's day.  Any kid- use your own or borrow someone else's.  Here are a few ways to do it... please add your own suggestions in the comments.

1. Make a list of "5 things I love about______" and hang it on their bedroom door.  For no reason.

2. Include a happy little note in their lunchbox.

(If you always remember to say "I love you", try "I'm proud of you.")

3. Mail them a card.  Even if you live in the same house.

4. Make your little one a video (use your phone or computer).  Tell them why you think they're awesome.  Feel free to be silly.

5. Send an older kid an e-mail or text  that simply says, "You're Awesome".

6.  Get up a little early & make their favorite breakfast.  Everyone will head out the door smiling.

7.  Check out their favorite book from the library.  Read it and start chatting about it.

8.  Watch a funny YouTube video together. 

Try this one...

Challenge #5- Who Really Cares?

As I prepared to write today's post, I had two quotes floating around in my mind.  The first comes to us from that great philosopher, Dr. Seuss.

I love this quote.  

I hear people (especially moms) all the time who are concerned about what others will think of their behavior, their ideas or even the way that they are raising their children.  

One person I know and love often starts sentences with the words "It probably sounds stupid, but...".

Just why are we so concerned with the opinions of others?

Should we really be concerned with any of them?

The answer to that second question is yes.

I do care whether or not my husband approves of me.  I would prefer it if my children were pleased with me at least some of the time.  There are even some friends that I admire so much as to care what they think.

But strangers? People who are casual acquaintances? 

 No.  I don't think I need to spend any more time wondering if they approve of the outfit 

Mandy wore to school today.  (she picked it out herself- just to be clear)

This month I watched moms post pictures of their handmade, Pinterest-inspired Valentines.  They were truly lovely.  What bothered me were the comments from moms who said things like, "Wow- my poor kids have the store bought paper ones".  Why are they apologizing for this?

Listen, if you enjoy crafting and you want to make the Valentines go ahead.  But if you're about to crack open the craft box because you feel that you need to impress the other moms, forget about it.  

So here it is- Challenge #5

Spend time pondering this question...

Who Really Cares?

Name the people in your life who really care about your well-being.  The people who want you to be happy.  The people who are backing you up & hoping for your success.

(I sincerely hope you put your own name on this list)

Then behave in a way that makes those people happy.  Forget the rest.

That other quote I mentioned?  Here you go.

Challenge #4- One Step at a Time

Do you have your lists ready? You know, the ones we made during Challenge #3 where we listed our fears- Big and Small?

You need the lists for this. I'll wait.

Ok, we're all ready now.

I want you to pick one fear off of each list and circle it.  

Pick the one that you most want to conquer right now. Pick one that you're ready to be done with.  

The one that just needs to end. Not next week, not tomorrow- right now.

Circle it in red if it makes you feel better.

Now, let me tell you a little story.

When Katie (oldest child of mine) was 8 years old she was terrified of escalators.  I'm not saying that she was hesitant or a little nervous.  She had a full-on panic attack at the top of the escalator at JCPenney.  I lost it. (not my proudest parenting moment)  

I could not get that kid to move.  Every bit of pressure I put on her made it worse.  

Side note: it's one of those days that I wish I could go back and do differently.  I know better now.

We realized that this couldn't go on.  So we decided to conquer her fear together.

We went to her favorite store, Barnes & Noble, where the up & down escalators are side by side and we made a deal.  If she could go up & down by herself I'd buy her Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. (she was right in the middle of the series & desperately wanted that big thick book)

First, she stood between me & Mandy (little sis, not afraid of escalators) and we all rode down on the same step holding hands.  We only had to ask her once to stop breaking the bones in our hands.

When that felt good, we rode down on the same step but did not hold hands.

When that was easy, we all rode down together on separate steps.

Up & down we went.

Then Mandy waited at the bottom while I rode with Katie.

Then I waited at the bottom while Katie & Mandy rode together.

Finally the big moment arrived.

Mandy & I waited at the bottom while Katie rode up and came back down to us.

I think she still treasures that book- she worked so hard to get it.

(By the way, you are right if you are imagining that we were at Barnes & Noble for quite a long time.  If anyone thought we were lunatics, they were kind enough not to say so.)

But this story doesn't end there.  A few months later our family traveled to the Pittsburgh Zoo.  

When you enter the zoo, the first thing you have to do is ride up the biggest escalator I have ever seen.   

No joke friends, it goes straight up.

Katie looked over her shoulder at me with a big grin and said, 

"Good thing I'm not scared of escalators anymore, huh?"

So, here's your challenge.

Decide on the first step toward conquering one of your fears.

Are you afraid of spiders?  Step one might be to check out a book on spiders from the library and study the pictures. (even while they freak you out)

Have you always wanted to run a 5K, but you're afraid that you're "just not an athlete"?  

Step one might be to find an event 3 months from now and sign up.

Are you afraid that you're not a good mom?

Step one might be to simply write down a definition of what "good mom" even means to you.

Now do it.  Then come back & tell me about it.  I can't wait.

Hump Day Mini Challenge! Sticky Sunshine

It's Hump Day and that means I've got a mini-challenge for you!

This week we're spreading sunshine with sticky notes.

Operation Beautiful has been doing this for awhile and I think it's just fantastic!

Put up a sticky note with a positive message on it in a public restroom.

Check out their website for ideas on messages or create your own.

Bonus points if you post a picture of yourself and your sticky note in the No Fear February group and/or on the Kids Running Wild facebook page.

Bonus bonus points if you get someone else to be your accomplice!

Challenge #3- Fears BIG & Small

Today I have a little bit of homework for you.  Get out a pencil and paper and get ready.

I want you to separate your fears into two groups. 

 Just throw them all down on the paper- no editing allowed.

Group #1- BIG FEARS

These are the ones that haunt us and keep us up at night.  They are abstract and terrifying.  Our inner critic loves these fears and uses them against us all the time.

Fears in this category would be things like

"I'm afraid that not a good mom"

"I'm afraid that my husband doesn't love me"

"I'm afraid that I'm not a good enough______ (fill in the blank)"

Spill them all out on the page. 

Group #2- smaller fears

I'm only using the word "smaller" here because these fears might not affect your state of mind quite as often as the fears on the BIG list. 

(mostly because you've probably gotten very good at avoiding the items on this list)

In reality, these might be the fears that cause you to have a panic attack in public or break out in hives.

Fears in this category would be things like

"I'm afraid to ride an escalator"

"I'm terrified of spiders"

"I'm afraid of heights"

I encourage you to spend some time on these lists.  Maybe even add to them over a couple of days.  Don't be ashamed to write anything down.  You don't have to share any of these fears if you don't want to.  I'm only asking you to recognize them and acknowledge that they exist.

In Challenge #4 I'll tell you how to begin conquering these bad boys!

Challenge #2- Name Your Fear

I have bad news for you.

That voice you hear in your head is not always on your side.

She plants seeds of doubt & fear.

Challenge #2 has two parts.

1. Give your inner critic a name.

I call mine Princess Sissy-Pants.  Katie calls hers Mr. Stupid-Head. 

(please note, her inner voice is a dumb boy)  You can name yours anything you like.

Why do I think you need to give yours a name?  

Because I want you to recognize the difference between you and your fears.

Did you get that?  You ARE NOT your fear.

You see, I believe that if we could look down into the deepest part of your heart we would see that you know who you are.  You know that God doesn't make junk.  He doesn't fail.  He has already created you to be everything you need to be.  How could you be anything but beautiful?

2. Practice telling your inner critic to shut up.

Princess Sissy-Pants is sneaky & underhanded.  She sucker punches me.  I can always count on her to show up around Mile 8 of a half-marathon.  She sounds something like this:

"You're looking rough, why don't you take a break?"

"You really didn't train enough for this anyway.  You could quit anytime."

"Some people are already finished. You've always been slow."

"Just give up."

Now I ask you, doesn't that sound like something I would say to myself?

So I need to be ready to tell her off.

"Listen Princess, I'm busy here. I'm still putting one foot in front of the other, so I'll not be quitting any time soon.  Besides, you're the one who said I shouldn't show my face on the internet without makeup and that turned out to be no big deal.  You didn't think I could handle the Budgie Barn & I did.
You know nothing about me.  So do me a favor and shut it."

You can tell your inner critic to shut up in your head.  

When she gets really loud, don't be afraid to just tell her out loud.  Remind her about the times when she was wrong in the past. 

I told Princess Sissy-Pants to shut up OUT LOUD during a race once.  

I really hope that other runner believed me when I told her that I wasn't talking to her.

Fear is For The Birds

I'm scared of birds. 

My family thinks I don't like birds, but that's really not true.

They terrify me.  I think they might want to peck my eyes out.  I don't know how much it will hurt.  Something about the way they bob their heads around just freaks me out.

So when we visited Deer Park last summer you can just imagine how excited I was to find out that they have something called "The Budgie Barn".  That's right friends, a whole barn full of scary little birds just waiting for me to come in & get my head pecked off.

My husband & kids were thrilled.  They love birds.  They marched right up to the concession stand and bought these little tongue depressors that were covered with bird seed.  Apparently you're supposed to carry them into the Budgie Barn so that the birds will come near you.

It all sounded like something out of a Steven King novel to me.

To their credit, my family gave me an opportunity to back out.  To my ears, it sounded something like this, "It's okay Mom.  We'll just go and enjoy this experience without you.  You can stand outside and have your panic attack.  We don't mind.  We'll come find you later- when our fun is over."

You know where I'm going with this, right?

I had to put on my big girl panties and get myself in that Budgie Barn.

I took a deep breath & followed the family in.

I am not kidding or even exaggerating when I tell you that those birds swarm you as soon as you walk in.  They know that you're holding a brand new tongue depressor and they want it.

When I felt the birds landing on my head I nearly died.  Several landed on my arm and when I saw them I felt paralyzed.  I couldn't walk any further.  My heart was beating so fast and I felt tears brimming at the edges of my eyes.

My kids & I experienced an immediate role reversal.  Katie & Mandy grabbed my arm (the one without birds on it) and led me into the barn.  I heard them saying, "It's okay Mommy.  You're doing just fine."  Ken was smiling at the three of us encouragingly and pointing out all of the beautiful colors that the birds were wearing.

Katie told me not to worry. I heard my own advice coming back to me as she said, "Just wait.  You can't stay scared forever.  It will get better any second now."  And she was right.  My heart rate slowed and I was actually able to see that the birds were beautiful.

New victims visitors entered the barn and some of the birds moved on to attack welcome them and I didn't feel so overwhelmed.

Ken managed to snap this picture of us in the barn.

Friends will recognize that my smile is a little strained. But I'm there.  I'm in that barn with my family and because I conquered that fear I got to be in the picture.  I got to be part of the memory.

Conquering fears is hard.  Dig deep and find a good reason to be brave.  In fact, find several reasons to keep going.

Why do you want to conquer your fears?

Hump Day Mini-Challenge #1- Spread a Little Sunshine

Last Sunday I got to have lunch with Mandy after church.

Ken & Katie had gone skiing and it's a rare time when I have just one kid.  We had a great time, but frankly I was tired.  I hadn't slept well the night before and I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Please note-

  nothing was actually wrong. 

 I was just in a funk.

Then a woman walked up to me out of the blue and said, 

"Y'know, that haircut is really flattering on you."

I was shocked.  I thanked her and smiled.  

And suddenly my heart was just a little lighter. 

Today I'm asking you to intentionally give a compliment to a stranger.

Tell them you like their outfit.

Tell a slightly frazzled mom that her kid is polite.

Anything you'd like to hear- throw it out there.  

I promise, the happiness will come back and hit you in the face.

Don't forget to do Challenge #1- you'll need this answer on Friday.

What's happening Friday, you ask?

Challenge #2!

Challenge #1- Remember When?

It's time to start our journey together.

The first challenge will be mostly painless.

Think back through your life and identify a fear 

(or two or three) that you've already conquered.

Now, before you tell me that you can't think of anything- take your time.  

Let the idea float around in your brain for a little while.

Maybe you were once terrified to go to a job interview only to get there and land the job.

Maybe you were scared of the dark as a kid and now you can't sleep without the blinds closed in your pitch-dark room.

Maybe you were scared of heights but couldn't say no to your kids when they asked you to go on the Sky Ride at the amusement park.

Big or small- if you have conquered any fear in the past, you can do it again.

There was a time when I was afraid to be seen without makeup.

I know what you're thinking, that's not really a fear.  But for me, it was.  I always had to have all of my makeup applied before leaving the house.  I couldn't stand the idea that I might run into someone I knew and have them see the flaws on my face or the dark circles under my eyes.

It was a huge source of stress to me.  I had to wake up early enough to get everything right- even if I was just running Katie over to preschool.

But something changed when I started running.  Makeup & running really don't go together very well.  You sweat a lot and your makeup runs into your eyes which is both painful and scary-looking.

So when I went to races I wouldn't wear makeup.

I distinctly remember the picture that changed my attitude.

L-R Me, my mom Gloria, & my daughters Katie & Mandy

There's not a bit of makeup in this picture.  And to be honest, my eyes are squinty and my nose is a little scrunched.  Yet, I love this picture.  We all look happy.  We all look healthy.  

How could that be anything but beautiful?

So I started posting pictures on my blog without makeup pretty regularly.  And once you post your make-up free face on the internet and on Facebook, going to the grocery store without it just doesn't seem like such a big deal.

No makeup in this one AND I didn't bother to do my hair. I love hats.

Katie took this picture at a race.  

No makeup- feel free to pack something in those bags under my eyes.

See, I can make a little fun of the picture and still show them to you.  

Do I still prefer to be seen looking my best?  Sure!  

But, my makeup bag is no longer a major source of stress in my life.

So think about it...

What fear have you conquered?

Tell us about it in the No Fear February facebook group!

No Fear February Introduction!

Welome to No Fear February!

If you're here, you've already decided that it's time to kick your fears to the curb.

My name is Rhonda and I'll be your fearless (ha!) leader on this month long journey.

Why me?

I'm not an expert.  I'm not a psychologist or even a life coach.

But, when my daughter began to struggle with anxiety at only 7 years old you can bet I learned about conquering fears pretty quickly.  

We now have a rule in our family... if you're really not interested in something, you shouldn't do it. 

But, if fear is the only thing getting in your way- you MUST do it.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

This month we're going to identify those fears that hold us back 

& break them down into manageable pieces.  

Along the way we'll use the No Fear February facebook group as a place to check in with one another and get support on the journey.  Why should we check in?  Well, there's a reason that groups like Weight Watchers & Alcoholics Anonymous are so successful.  They recognize the idea that humans need support & encouragement from one another in order to succeed.

So, what are you waiting for?

Request to join No Fear February on facebook now.  

Then add a few of your soon-to-be-fearless friends.

I'll have your first challenge ready for you tomorrow!